How 2 B A Modern Day Urban Hermit
This ‘guide’ is meant 2 B a tongue in cheek look at what it takes 2 pursue a life as a hermit, in an urban, modern day world.
#1. First and foremost in the quest for the life of a hermit is to create a pseudo wall around your physical self.
In times of old, that process was very easy to undertake; it was simply a matter of packing what little belongings U possessed in a kerchief, tying them 2gether, attaching them 2 a stick and walking into the wilds with all U owned slung over your shoulder.
2Day that first step could B undertaken much the same way, however if your plan is 2 remain “in” the world, just not “of” the world, then #1 must B gone about in a very different way. The modern day urban ‘hermitization’ process, if U will, requires that U resort 2 less extreme measures.
I cannot extol the virtues enough, of the Do Not Disturb feature, available on some landline phone carriers. This feature allows U 2 not have 2 take your phone off of the hook, not receive incoming calls AND still permits U 2 use your landline per usual. Call screening at its best, without the annoyance of a ringing phone. Remember, U R a modern day hermit; “in” the world, not “of” the world.
U may also be in possession of an in-house answering machine system. In this case, U may screen incoming calls as U wish, choose 2 ignore them, AND U can turn the ringer off on your phones, thus giving U the peace and uninterrupted quiet that is a happy byproduct of life as a hermit.
Now, if neither of those options R available 2 U, there is always the old standby of simply taking your phone off of the hook. The drawback 2 that option is that your line is now consistantly busy, so if a very important call should happen 2 come thru, U have no way of knowing, AND if a deranged lunatic should happen 2 break in and steal whatever belongings U have not already given away 2 the less fortunate, U may have no way 2 call for help.
Whichever option U choose, people will eventually get the unspoken hint and cease 2 call your home after awhile.
U may also be in possession of an in-house answering machine system. In this case, U may screen incoming calls as U wish, choose 2 ignore them, AND U can turn the ringer off on your phones, thus giving U the peace and uninterrupted quiet that is a happy byproduct of life as a hermit.
Now, if neither of those options R available 2 U, there is always the old standby of simply taking your phone off of the hook. The drawback 2 that option is that your line is now consistantly busy, so if a very important call should happen 2 come thru, U have no way of knowing, AND if a deranged lunatic should happen 2 break in and steal whatever belongings U have not already given away 2 the less fortunate, U may have no way 2 call for help.
Whichever option U choose, people will eventually get the unspoken hint and cease 2 call your home after awhile.
The next step in the blocking process would likely B what I like 2 refer 2 as, ‘the old note on the front door’ trick. The more eccentric the note is the better.
While extremely effective, “the note”, if over-used or taken lightly, can either B more of a testament 2 your mental instability than a useful tool, or seen as a mere bluff by the very people U mean 2 remove yourself from. Don’t just slap notes up on your door willy-nilly, if U don’t intend 2 enforce your no visitors policy, or U will just look crazy 2 your postal carrier, who observes your front door daily. U aspire 2 B a hermit, not
bat-shit crazy!
Once U have posted your notice, or clearly marked your personal territory, provided U have followed thru with keeping guests at bay, people will begin 2 C that U mean business and will cease 2 call on U at your home.
--Do all of your gardening in the predawn hours, B4 any of your neighbors R up and out, so that no one ever really sees U.
Ditto 4 putting out your trash.
--Do all of your immediate needs shopping, i.e. grocery, drugstore etc, between the hours of 3am-5am.
The benefits of this R 2fold, U again will avoid seeing and/or interacting with your neighbors and U drastically limit your overall exposure 2 the general population.
Don’t B afraid 2 use arguments, disagreements or misunderstandings in your pre-hermit life, as fuel 2 propel U into your new lifestyle of self imposed seclusion. Doing so may just help 2 make the isolation of being a hermit easier and the transition smoother.
#2. Next, create a buffer between your Spirit and the artificial outside world, AKA broadcast media and social networking.
Turn off your computer, tune out your TV and radio and TUNE IN 2 YOURSELF! I know how hard the prospect of “turn off, tune out” can seem at first thought, believe me I do, but “tuning in” 2 yourself cannot fully B accomplished without doing so, at least 2 some degree. 4 every ½ hour of bullshit TV or music U filter into your Soul, dilute it with 1 ½ hours of intelligent watching or listening…OR how about amassing a collection of WRITTEN reading material 2 feed and train your brain, thereby feeding your Soul and imagination via trickle down entertainment.
If U spend any time on social networking websites, do so only in moderation and download a program that allows U 2 do so undercover or in secret. There is nothing like sneaking on Facebook 2 check out your account and being bombarded with instant messages from people U R actively trying 2 avoid. I highly recommend the SocialPlus application, available through Google Chrome 4 stealth-surfing!
#3. Use your time of seclusion 2 work on your own issues and self improvement.
--What’s the point in removing yourself from society if U don’t plan 2 utilize your time wisely?
The space between U and others can now B better filled getting 2 know your own self inside and out. If and when U plan 2 emerge from your lair and reintegrate into society at some point, it would B grand 2 do so armed with extensive knowledge of self, thereby garnering a better understanding of others and the world that has continued 2 go on in your absence.
Spend your spare time alone writing that book U always wanted 2 write or painting those pictures U always meant 2 paint. Invent the next wheel or discover the next new planet or go back 2 school, online - in the seclusion and comfort of your own home of course.
--The point is, if U R going in, REALLY go in, and make it worthwhile!!!
I mean, if U just plan 2 withdraw from the world and B a couch potato or a smelly old anti-social misfit, just drop out... There is no need 2 assign that particular lifestyle a title, 4 U have merely let go with both hands.
Being a person who withdraws from everyday life 4 the purpose of introspection and enlightenment, requires work and self examination... This does not entail checking out the exact contents of your belly button lint.
Now leave me B, 4 a Hermits work is never done… U have things 2 contemplate and people 2 avoid, so poof – B gone.